Seeking Advice: Getting Over Being Passed Over for Promotion

An employee wrote in and is very frustrated being asked to fill in for supervisors when nobody is available but getting passed over for promotions when it really counts.

A shortened version of what was submitted is below:

I really appreciated reading this post, Tired of Your Job? Maybe it's Time to Ask the Tough Questions. I have been focused on college for two years now, while at the same time building a good reputation with my job. However, along the way, I have become what I like to call a bounce-ball supervisor. I am there when they need me, but when promotion time comes, I do not get the raise and the position.

However, they are quick to point out when there is nobody available that "I am the man for the job." After almost two and a half years, I feel used and tired. I want to stay, but am tired of being called a good leader and then not promoted when good leaders are needed.

If anyone has a different outlook, please advise me.

My advice is to talk with your supervisor or someone in the company who would be in a position to observe you day to day about why he or she thinks you are not getting selected for promotions. It may be something you are doing <or not doing> or it could have absolutely nothing to do with you at all. It's easy to spin within our own thoughts about what we think other people's motives are and a few facts can make a world of difference. Listen to what they tell you - do not argue, defend or challenge. Take the feedback for what it is. Getting over being passed over is not easy, but it can be done. Not all employers have nefarious motives but if yours does, it may be time to move on. 

HR professionals, what advice do you have for this reader?  

You've Mistaken Me For Someone Who Cares

I've been a supervisor for many years and oh, the stories I could tell. I listen more than I speak and most of the time, I say what needs to be said. I've learned that I can't make everyone happy all of the time, I have to live with the decisions I make and that humans are funny, funny beings.

I consider myself a thoughtful decision maker and, even in the face of over thinking at times, I get that decisions I make can create disappointment. I get, and honor, that people may need time and space to work through their reactions. What I don't get is the cold shoulder. Come on Virginia-cold-shoulders, do you think this will add anything to the conversation, prove a point or motivate change? Really?! Do you see the flaw in this logic?

I know that these things will pass, they always do. What do you know? Stop for a moment and think before you react. Think about the impression you will make on those around you. Do you think that will pass as quickly?

Peace out. 

Card Carrying Supervisors Take Heed

Leadership is not easy, nor is supervision. But neither is as hard as some make it out to be. If you are a supervisor, take a few minutes to read through the questions below. Think about them and answer honestly.

• Do you counsel employees over email?
• Do you have to "win" employee discussions?
• When asked why, do you respond, "because I can?"
• Do you view employee questions as challenges to you ego? 
• Do you expect your support people to "read your mind" in regards to work expectations?
• Do you look past behaviors because addressing them is a bit "uncomfortable" for you?
• Do you hold back information because members of your staff just "don’t need to know?"
• Are your performance reviews consistently late?
• Do you engage in shouting matches with you staff?
• Do you take this stuff personally?!

If you answered "yes" to any of the above, stop that right now. Supervisors, this is not about you. It is about helping others to succeed, to make the goal, to achieve the mission. It's about addressing problems head-on and making the tough decisions. It's about not making it personal. Does this make sense to you? Do you see the possibility? Do you see that there may be another way? If you do, then BRAVO to you.

If you don't, reach into your wallet, your purse, or your top desk draw and pull out your supervisor card. Hold it out. I'm coming by to collect it. Now.

Leadership. What a Ride.

Leadership is not for the faint of heart. 

"The vast majority of learning occurs on the job; and, despite their best intentions, managers do not take advantage of 'coachable moments,' when instruction has the greatest impact."  Harvard Business Review, July-August 2008

Do you know a coachable moment when you see one?

As a leader, people will come to you to let you know when they make a mistake. In many cases, you will determine (in a split second) that this was not a mistake of carelessness. It was not a mistake of haste. It was a gap in knowledge. You will determine that learning occured and are comfortable that the same mistake will not happen again. You listen. You nod. You send them on their way.

STOP - Coachable Moment!

Did you see this coming?  I missed this recently. Although I did not see it in our 60 second conversation, I later heard how upset someone had been by a mistake they made. I did not stop what I was doing long enough to provide her the opportunity to process this with me and, in this case, that would have been very valuable to her. 

These coachable moments, they go both ways. 

Believe it or not, there is going to be a time when you discover that someone is not doing something you thought they were doing, they way you thought it was being done. You communicated your expectation, yet the follow through was not what you had in mind.  Bottom line, someone was not doing what they should (!) be doing." I will go find that person and set this straight," you say.

STOP - Coachable Moment!

Think about the reasons why a reasonable person would have done whatever it was that was done.  I did so recently. This is not the first time this type of concern has been expressed to me. A little concern raised here, a little venting there, all part of day-to-day  business in a crazy department. The concerns usually come and go and are soon replaced by other things. This time, however, this one is staying with me. 

Why? Because I may be part of the problem. Through my communications, I may be creating the space for the one thing that really bugs me , pass and drop responsibility. Yikes.

In any given moment, a person is faced with a variety of options and in the face of these options, makes a choice. I expect them to make the choice that is consistent with what we said we were going to do and how. I expect them to defer on the side of doing more vs. doing less. I expect them to follow an action through to completion.

My expectations are precise but, at times, my communications are not.  They will be.

Leadership. What a ride!