Actually, I am pretty good but you have got to know that the very nature of the labor-management relationship can stress the people pleaser in me.

Collaboration, mediation, hold your line, give an inch, negotiation, agendas, partnership, and positions . . .  labor relations can be a running reel of contradictions.

When faced with contradictions in your HR life, what do you do?

Although I may come face-to-face with the desire to go tit-for-tat, it's just not in me to operate that way. I feel strongly about "no surprises" and even when the upper hand is mine, it is not often that I will lead with it. I never walk into a meeting unprepared yet as the ultimate optimist, I believe we can work through anything together - even if that means working to the point of agreeing to disagree.

That's not where my problems arise.

My problems arise when I break the #1 rule of business, human resources <and life actually> and I take things personally. 

You'd think after so many years of being in this game, I'd know better. Try as I might not to, it happens anyway and when it does, I can see it coming like a Mack truck. Thanks to a wonderful support system and creative coping techniques, I get it together rather quickly.

Labor relations. Pshw. My gig is up. You know as well as I do that this really has nothing at all to do with labor - pick a relationship, any relationship at all and the dynamics for me are the same. Relationship is the color of the glasses I see my world through.

Over the years, on request, I've tried to change the color of my lenses, but in the big scheme of things it's simply not happening. Nothing is going to change. I am not going to change.

Don't like it?

Sue me.

Photo credit iStockphoto

One thing you'll quickly realize about Ben is that he never sits still. After the success of his HR certification guide, Ben has turned his sights to workplace culture. 

"I am a firm believer that having a strong culture at work is a way for companies of all sizes to increase engagement, decrease turnover, and build a sustainable business."

With that, Ben put together a guide to help you Rock Your Corporate Culture. With the main guide, worksheets, videos, and other bonus items that cover "hands on" applications of culture, readers will learn how to inject culture into the recruiting process, how to hire and fire based on culture fit, and how to influence and even change the embedded culture of the organization.

If you're interested in learning more about corporate culture, check it out to see if it's right for you.

If corporate culture is not your thing, check in at Upstart HR anyway just to meet Ben.

You will not be disappointed.

When it comes to personal choices, we'll simply never all agree as human resource professionals, business professional or as individuals. That's the beauty of choice.

One thing we all can agree on is dress-as-a-distraction whether you are in a meeting, on stage presenting, or simply making your way across your company campus.

• Ponytails may be cute on some women <myself excluded> but add in a headband - regardless of what the headbands is made of - and the combination would catch my attention in a business meeting surrounded by suits.
• Combine the two with multi-hoop earrings? Not. When the hoops separate and one hoop flips up around your ear <because it will>, I'll just want to reach out and put it back into place.
• Throw on a brightly colored shiny cape-like top and you'll have my attention for sure.

There is a time and place for everything, even headbands and ponytails, and I am offering these examples only to make a point:

If the first thing people notice is your clothes, you are missing opportunities for people to notice you.

Heading for work? Unless you are Olivia Newton-John or Jane Lynch on Glee, leave the ponytail, head band, hoop earrings <and leg warmers> at home.

What gives? No, it wasn't slide show she put together on "Why I Need a Cell Phone" <although it was a nice touch> that changed our minds. We started swaying that way after I lost the kid and just last week, it became the right time for us. She's swimming 3 nights a week at a local high school pool and is involved in early morning school activities.

Now that she has the phone, I am finding that I like the piece of mind and the cute texts I get from her before and after school. I will have to take a closer look at the 50 text messages to that one friend though . . .

So, she has the phone with unlimited texts but no internet connection <yet> and I am looking at parental controls for now and for when she get greater access.

I am going for controlled independence. Is there an app for that?

I once wrote a post, Jingle Bells, Confidence and Fage Yogurt, and even now - one year later (!) Google and Squarespace analytics both show that Jingle Bell(s) is the number 1 search term that lands people here.

I know, I don't believe it either. Nonetheless, SEO Ninja that I am not, I know this isn't good news for a Leadership and HR blog.

This holiday season, it is my mission to knock you know what from the top spots of my search term Christmas tree and replace it with "Lisa Rosendahl," "leadership" and "HR."

Interested in spreading my holiday cheer? Click on the listing below or search "Lisa Rosendahl" and then click through to the blog when you see this listing:

Let's see if we can turn this thing around <without upsetting Google cheer.>

Nothing personal Santa.

Really, with all the  technology today, isn't there a way to do this without the grinding of a drill in my mouth. Novocaine protected, I permitted myself the luxury of noting (to myself) how modern day dentistry can seem so 1903.

Why 1903? That's the date on my winter coat. It's a Stormy Kromer. 

I was introduced to the Stormy Kromer brand at the Duluth Pack store as I mocked my husband trying on caps, nice hat 'eh? Warm as they seemed to be, they were so . . . 1903. He was interested looking at the caps and, because this is the guy who weighs bike helmets and hiking boots to be sure he gets only the lightest, I knew we weren't going anywhere quickly.

My eyes <and interest> began to wander and a charcoal gray coat caught my attention. 1903? Nope, not for me. I be a modern girl.

I went up to the hi-tech keep-me-warm brands I love: North Face, Icebreaker and Ibex. I caught a glimpse of that charcoal gray coat on my way back down to the books. Next stop was the Hudson Bay wool blankets and then over to the lip balms.

There was that coat again.

Nope, I told myself, I couldn't even consider it after I made fun of the husband for going all 1903 on me. But I did it anyway. I went over, took it off the rack and tried it on. The fit was flattering, the cut unique and gray a great backdrop for other colors.

Putting my mocking pride aside, I bought it. With the temps on a downward slide and pockets big enough to stash a few hand warmers, I am wearing it with my 2011 red fingerless gloves and hope to add the Pajar Buzz Boots I have my eye on.

At times, I am torn between 2 worlds enjoying what is new with one hand while reaching for the comforts of the past with the other. What do I choose today? A book or a Nook? The Moleskine or Evernote? A Fa La Latte or a cup of tea? Shutterfly or Hallmark? Glossy or letterpress?

Tradition or trail blaze? I find myself at different sides of the equation at different times and that's ok.

While I once wondered if I was being true to whatever the heck I was supposed to being true to, I wonder no more. Mixing the new and the old is good for the soul but please, can we find another way to work on the teeth?

and make it all the way to lunch when - scanning the swag bags and sensible shoes - I get the cold sweats. Heart starts racing, fight or flight kicks in and I depart the area for the nearest coffee shop wondering, "What the heck?"

It was suffocating.

Hands on the wheel, sun on the face and open road ahead - I drove. It was too much. Too much drinking the same Kool-Aid, accepting the same ideas and morphing into one indistinguishable HR mass.

I can't morph. I won't morph. And you can't make me.

You can come talk with me, but you can't talk with me about HR. Ok, you can talk about HR but not the way you usually talk about HR. Don't talk with me about FMLA, benefit programs, award calculations or market based-compensation.

Talk with me about reenergizing a wall-flower incentive awards program, linking everything workforce development to the strategic plan or responding to changes in leadership styles. Talk with me about LPN to RN upward mobility and whether tuition programs are a benefit of employment, a talent management tool with expectations or something completely else.

Talk dirty to me <no, not that kind of dirty - remember the brand> but the kind of dirty that really messes with the HR status quo.

Talk with me about relationships. Talk with me about how we are not in the HR business but how we are in the relationship business.

Listen to me when I tell you that my job satisfaction, my view of HR as a profession or my assessment of my own abilities can be so utterly dependent on the state of my relationships at the time. My boss has my back and I am unstoppable. Leaders (union included) question my motives and I am temporarily stalled.

Relationship is how work really gets done. And credibility is the key that unlocks the door, the coin of the realm, the thing that makes this whole thing work.

If I were to hop onto the stage to talk about credibility, would you come and listen to me?

An introvert and a commitment walk into a conference . . . and walk out with purpose and direction.

Photo credit iStockphoto

Let's talk about hard. It's all relative. It's not the mechanics of reviews that are hard; it's the leadership reflection that can come with it. Writing a review is much more than crafting words for a page. At times <for me> it is nothing less than a review of my leadership.

What does that look?

Not really. Nor is it a crazy-haired psycho reliving each and every exchange or complete calm sitting cross-legged on a pillow with incense in the background.

It's more often me, with a cup of coffee and something Panera, asking a bunch of questions, questions I'd ask myself regardless of whether or not performance reviews live or die:

• Did I set clear expectations or did I expect others to read my mind?

• Did I address performance issues at the right time or did I get to them much too late? Was my response appropriate or did it bear the weight of a compilation of small indiscretions that no one was holding on to but me?

• What issues did I avoid? Why? Did I mistake warning signs for nothing more than the drama of the moment?

• Was I too focused on issues external to the department, expecting the department to run on   autopilot and surprised when it ran aground? Do I have enough checks, balances and internal controls to protect all of us?

• Did I recognize achievement during the year? Did I provide the resources, guidance and room for others to excel? Did I hold others accountable for their own performance?

There are always things each year that, if given the chance, I'd do very differently. Sometimes I suck, sometimes not. Honestly, you'd think I'd have it down to a science by now. But I don't.

But that's the thing.

Leadership is not a science. It's not a laundry list of leadership courses, a degree from a prestigious college, the right car or anything wrapped in an ego. No hubris allowed.

Leadership is not knowing all the answers, it's asking the right questions and listening to the answers. Hint: that means not defending or denying what you are hearing and, above all, not attacking the messenger.

What questions would you add to the list?

Photo credit iStockphoto

Here's a peek into my world last week:

Jumping into the backseat of the car after school, the kid informed me she wanted a "Yonk." You can imagine the mother-daughter exchange with my, "you want a what?!!" being met with the incredulous "don't you know anything" stream of descriptors of the middle schooler . . .

I had one today at school. They're at the store. They are my favorite. I love them. Yonks, you know.<insert eye roll here> It's candy . . . they're chocolate. . .  and minty.

I couldn't stop laughing when I quickly realized what she was talking about:

And there we have it - the ties that bind. I can see it now . . . candy dishes, graduation, wedding and yonks all around!

On this Thanksgiving weekend I give thanks for my husband and daughter, that they hang with me no matter what and above all, their ability to always make me laugh.

Who makes you laugh?

Savor every moment of every day and be brave.

Always do the right thing.

After a quick scan of the Moleskine rack and the babysitting guides, the kid and I headed to the coffee counter. Cappuccino for me and a mango banana smoothie for her. I drank mine but she didn't finish hers. She didn't really like it and decided she wasn't going to order banana in her smoothies anymore.  She likes mango and she likes banana but the banana flavor in a smoothie "dumbs it down," she said

Dumb it down? Where did she hear that? It's not exactly how I would have described the flavor combination but I knew exactly what she meant.

I've bristled at dumb it down comments from leaders and may have even channeled Frank Roche as I cautioned HR staff from doing so in  our HR communications - but it's not a phrase I use regularly.

Nonetheless, with both this phrase and interactions between leaders and followers on my mind today, I have to wonder how leaders can think so little of their staff - or conversely, so much of themselves.

The Lead Change Group recently posted an article, "Leadership Style: Blinders, Beacon, or Both?" In it, the author asks leaders a number of thought-provoking questions that include:

• When there's a problem in the office, do you create a new policy to handle it? Or, do you work with others to figure out the root cause and fix that?
• Does your firm want employees to provide feedback yet shoot the messenger?
• Is the messiness of innovation embraced, recognizing that failures to happen? Or, is innovation part of your mission statement yet failures are counted and are part of performance reviews as a negative?

Leaders, grab yourself a smoothie, ponder the questions and answer this one question for me: are you the top dog . . . or the top banana?

Photo credit iStockPhoto

I may look calm, cool and collected on the outside but know that I am usually working like crazy to keep my own emotions and reactions in check on the inside. The last thing an already emotional situation needs is another person looking to establish a position.

It's hard work to fight, it's draining and in the end - no one really wins. Having been there and done that before, I now strive to be part of the solution and not exacerbate the problem.

You can do the same by not judging, keeping an open mind, and keeping your dog out of the fight

So much easier said than done, especially when you are not feeling personally attacked, your hot buttons were not pressed or the hand you put out was not just bitten by that dirty dog.

Be in my space when that happens to me and you'll get a glimpse of what really goes down behind the carefully constructed exterior.

Just not in the mood for neutrality, taking the high road or being the voice of reason?

The Swiss have a remedy for that too . . . chocolate, wine and colorful hang gliders sailing from the mountain tops over the picturesque countryside - and their very own Evil Hr Lady.

I'm heading there now.

Maybe it's because I don't really have a corner office, because I am a good supervisor who knows I haven't been doing a great job lately, or because I don't like Fred Pryor <actually, I've never met Mr. Pryor> but nonetheless, a brochure for a 1-day seminar, "How to Supervise People" got me going.

Attend this seminar and you'll walk away knowing how to develop a keen sense of timing for taking corrective action or firing an employee - and know the legal implications of your decisions, prevent hassles by using the best hiring practices and interviewing techniques, and control absenteeism and tardiness.

All this plus 7 more key deliverables for only $99.00.

I am not buying it. What scares me is that so many others will.

Even though the company set high expectations with their wording, I get that the trainers are not intending to address the legal/technical/HR aspects of these topics and instead, provide only basic at-your-fingertips tools and techniques.

Others may not get that and leave thinking they know much more than they really do about the topics presented.

For overall supervisor development, I'd put my money, and yours, on Eric B. Meyer <free blog> or Wally Bock's Three Star Leadership <$39.99>, send HR staff to #TNL Chicago - National Recruiting Conference <$159.99> so they can train and better advise supervisors on recruitment or up the stakes and get all access G5 Leadership <$129/year>.

Now this is some good stuff. Anything less is pure silliness.

Hat tip to Kris Dunn and Fistful of Talent for G5 Leadership and photo credit to iStockphoto

Panera is on our left and I catch a glimpse, turn my head quickly for a double take and then the conversation went something like this:

"It's green and yellow. Panera wasn't always green and yellow, was it Tarah?"

"It was red, Mom."

"Really? Red? Are you sure?"

"I think so, Mom. You never really know what you don't know until it changes."

And there you have it. Another day in the life of me as mother to my daughter who out-insighted me again . . . and over nothing more than a color change on a building. The freakiest thing for me is that she was on to something.

How often do you go through the day doing what we always do, thinking what we always think, seeing what we always see - yet not really seeing anything at all?

I am sure there is an amazing leadership lesson in here but it's Sunday and in my life, a perfect Sunday includes not much more (if I can help it) than tinkering, eating and leaving the intellection behind.

But since I can't completely let the thought go let's not take it too deep this morning and consider this . . . what item would you miss if your favorite breakfast spot changed their menu?

Photo credit iStockphoto

With these first 3 lines of her introduction, Alexandra Levit firmly sets the stage for the next 249 pages of career advice that follows.

Blind Spots: The 10 Business Myths You Can't Afford to Believe on Your New Path Success is not your typical you-can-do-anything-if-you-work-hard-enough type of advice. Alexandra flips that advice on it's heels and debunks many of the myths so prevalent in the conversation today.

Destined to be an overnight success? Find comfort in the fact that being good at your job trumps everything? Know that if you do what you love the money will follow?

Then this book is for you.

Alexandra tells her story through research, relevant cases studies and real-life experiences of everyday people like us (hint: see page 174). It's easy to poke holes in another person's arguments or to find the fault in another person's thinking and this is where too many people stop. But not Alexandra.

Chapter by chapter, she explains why each of the 10 myths is just that - only a myth, what the current reality is and what you can to now get back on the path to success She ends each chapter with a "myth buster summary" that sums it all up in a few bullets.

Thinking you have this current reality career stuff down and see no need to take a look? I challenge you to scan the myths and see what jumps out at you.

I'd find it hard to believe that there is anyone who would not gain a tip or two or a new perspective on an issue from this book - either for themselves or to share with another. If you are a mentor, coach, sponsor or in a position or role where you listen to, advise and guide others along their individual paths to success, consider this a valuable resource to add to you toolbox.